The original X Factor Roleplay

Simon sits on the end of the table furthest away from Cheryl, glad that he was nowhere near her and her stupid Geordie accent

Dannii secretly starts mumbling, "please don't say swagger."

Simon sits through the auditions, getting more and more annoyed every time Cheryl spoke

Dannii groans and covers her ears as another bad audition comes in, "So much for finding talent in Liverpool!"

"So much for finding talent anywhere in this country"

Dannii roles her eyes and smirks. "Game?"

Simon looks at her confused "Game? What game?"

"the 'lets see who can ask the most bizzare question and get a straight answer' game." She smirks.

Simon smirks "And the contestants are our unfortunate victims?"

"Well who the hell else would we ask?!"

Simon throws a glance in Louie's direction and sniggers.

Dannii laughs and rolls her eyes, "Who's going first? Next victim approches."

"You first, lemme see what you got Minogue"

A guy walks onto the stage.
Dannii smiles, "hi. What's your name?"
"Nick Leyland."
"okay nick, how old are you?"
"23"
Dannii smiles, "where do you expect to be in 10 years time?"
"A hit record artist."
"Last one. Have you ever visited an funeral home and thought about being a necrophiliac?"
He looks awrkward, the crown laugh. "Er... no?"
"when you're ready."
The music plays.

Simon is in stiches all the way through the performance and can barely give his usual "No."

The next person that walks through the door tunrs out to be two people.

"Hey there, and what are your names?"

"I'm Sam, and this is Dean."

"Cool and how do you two know each other?"

"We're brothers"

"Nice. And who do you want to be as big as?"

"Maybe MCR or Greenday"

"Cool. Just one more question?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you guys ever looked at each other in a more than brotherly way?"

The entire audience erupted when the youngest brother Sam turned a magnificant shade of crimson.

Dannii looks awrkwardly as the next boy comes on stage. "Hey. what's your name?"
"Oliver Morley."
"How old are you, oliver?"
"26."
"Do you have any family here with you today?"
"My nan and my mum."
"Do you want to go get them?"
She watches as he ponders off the stage and brings back and old woman in a wheelchair and his mum is pushing it.
"Final question. Have you ever thought of having a threesome with the two women on stage?"
Everyone looks in shock.
"Er.......... No." He slowly exits the stage and they don't see him again.
"I so won! I got one to leave!"

"No you don't none of them have answered propperly"

Next on stage was a young man.

"Hey there, I'm gonna try something new okay? I'll shoot questions at you and you give me the first answer that comes to your head yeah?"

"Okay..."

"Good. Age?"

"25"

"Name?"

"Newt"

"Favourite colour?"

"Black"

"Favourite singer?"

"Marilyn Manson"

"Your kinks?"

"Spanking, bondage and leather"

The entire room went silent...

Cheryl catches onto the game and butts in.
"the first porn you ever watched."
"4 year olds."
Everyone looks shocked.
Cheryl smiles and sings from next to both Simon and Dannii. "I win."

Simon glares at her, before calling the police on that contestant. After a converstaion with the police Simon went back to glaring at Cheryl.

"You're such a geg Cheryl. A geg and a killjoy."

"Whatever." She turns to the next contestant on the stage who just starts singing.

Dannii looks behind her back at Simon and makes a stabbing sign in her back before laughing and turning back to the audition.

"I Like it, I like you. You just haven't got..."
It goes almost like slow motion. Dannii's shouting in her head, "NOOOOOOO!"
"you're swagger yet."
you hear a thud as Dannii slams her head on the desk and groans.

Simon calls a break to the auditions to give him and Dannii a chance to cool off.

Dannii just keeps her head on the desk, still not happy. "Can't you just ban her from saying swagger?!"

"I probably could if I asked my lawyers"

"Because that's going to work. Save me, someone, anyone."

Simon calls a break and marches Cheryl backstage and shouts at her.

"...And if you ever say 'SWAGGA' again I'll have you fired before you can SWAGGA out of the building!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"